When Maryam Ishtiaq lost her second pregnancy, she knew she had to talk about the experience. Instead of grieving behind closed doors, she chose to post about it for her 300,000 Instagram followers.
Posting about her heartbreak was a coping mechanism. But also, it was a way for the Pakistani-American influencer to push back against the stigma in her community.
“That’s, like, their No. 1 thing when you talk about issues like, ‘Well, you know, you can have this conversation in private.’ I’m like, I can have this conversation in private, but what change is it bringing into somebody else’s life if it is happening in private?” she said.
Ishtiaq’s followers, many of whom are young Muslim women of color, turn to the Dallas-based influencer’s social media for inspiration for what to wear on Eid and how to spice up classic recipes. But they also look to her as one of a few creators who has found a balance in publicly embracing their culture and identity, while also talking openly about issues traditionally considered taboo.
“I share the struggles of being a first-time mom and how they treat first-time moms, especially in the South Asian community. And I think that really resonated well with people,” she said.
Ishtiaq has posted about everything from periods and postpartum depression, to breaking gender roles in her marriage. At first, Ishtiaq’s husband, Nabeel Shah, helped take photos and made occasional appearances in her posts. Now, he’s become a content creator in his own right, weighing in on the issues Ishtiaq posts about from the perspective of a husband and father.
“I was definitely the Instagram husband for a good while, sort of starting really from Day 1,” Shah said. “I started creating content as a way of, like, not being an embarrassment to her.”
Now, the couple hosts a podcast series together where they share honest and sometimes awkward conversations about their relationship, parenthood and raising Pakistani-American daughters in the U.S.
In one post from the series, Shah discusses how little it takes to be considered a good dad in a culture that’s so critical of mothers.
“The expectations of me are so low as a father, that even when I’m just carrying two children, I’m this thing to gawk at,” Shah said in the Instagram reel. “I find it really annoying to get credit for doing the bare minimum.”
While a few comments on the post rejected the idea that men should be held to a higher standard, most applauded the couple for challenging a gender dynamic that is usually taken for granted. One follower commented, “Haven’t come across more realistic talk on parenthood on social media before, thank you.”
Beyond social and gender norms, Ishtiaq has taken on more controversial topics in the past as well. She posted a screenshot on Instagram of an email she wrote turning down a brand because they supported the Israeli Defense Forces.
“Maryam lost a ton of partnerships,” Shah said. “I had a couple of brands that I had long-term partnerships with that completely pulled out, ghosted me.”
Both Shah and Ishtiaq knew that the choice would cost them brand deals, but they felt the cause was worth it. While they may have lost a few followers, most celebrated their decision to stand for what they believed in.
“I think a lot of content creators shy away from creating controversies. And, you know, you create controversy, your brands pull out, you don’t get work, right?” Ishtiaq said. “But for me, it’s like, for brands pulling out because they don’t like what I’m passionate about, then maybe, I don’t know, maybe we’re not the right fit for each other.”
That authenticity is what’s helped Ishtiaq garner a community that not only looks to her for daily inspiration, but personal validation.
“I think I built a very tight-knit community,” Ishtiaq said. “I’ve never really focused on growing in numbers, but more so in, like, having more meaningful connections, and that’s where I’m at now.”
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