For many, the sound of jingle bells stirs up excitement for the festivities of the holidays. But caregivers for older adults may only feel anxiety. For them, the pressure of a holiday to-do list filled with decorating, cooking and shopping can be overwhelming when also trying to keep a loved one healthy, comfortable and safe.
While caring for an aging relative can be emotionally stressful at any time of the year, Kimberly Knight, director of the Caregiver Support Program at The Senior Source, says that when holiday nostalgia brings up memories of the past, it may make the season particularly painful. The contrast of their past happiness and their current struggles can take a toll on a caregiver’s mental and physical health.
The Dallas nonprofit, which advocates for more than 25,000 older adults and their loved ones each year, says that whether you’re a partner or spouse, child, sibling, grandchild, neighbor or friend, there are things you can do to make life a little merrier this holiday season.
Tip 1: Start new traditions.
Instead of trying to recreate perfect moments of holidays gone by, choose activities that will be enjoyable for you and your loved one now.
“We get so caught up in nostalgia around the holidays and what things used to be like,” Knight says. “How we have to prepare certain dishes or hang the lights a certain way or make it to all the different activities planned. If we deliberately choose the few traditions that make the holidays familiar and happy, let go of the extras, and start any new ones that will make our days easier and more relaxed, that takes a level of pressure off.”
Tip 2: Keep it simple.
Remember: Decorations and food don’t need to be fussy to be festive. Consider what your loved one is experiencing. For some, lights, sounds and smells can be overwhelming. If lights are overwhelming, don’t hang as many. Instead of stressing about elaborate holiday dishes, prepare meals with your loved one’s dietary needs in mind.
Tip 3: Consider a holiday potluck.
Don’t do all the cooking alone, The Senior Source says. Allow friends, family and neighbors to bring their favorite holiday dishes. This takes the responsibility of cooking the holiday meal off the caregiver and gives them more time to enjoy friends and family, while still enjoying a great meal.
Tip 4: Plan ahead.
Whether your holidays include hosting family and friends, attending a service, traveling by plane or car, or attending a nearby party, Knight suggests thinking about what you might need in advance to make your loved one more comfortable for a successful outing.
If you’re traveling by plane, she recommends calling the airline in advance and requesting assistance with baggage, a wheelchair if necessary and early boarding to get settled before everyone else gets on. For road trips, plot restroom stops, make a list of the supplies your loved one might need, pack snacks and consider having someone ride with you for an extra set of helping hands.
“They may sound minor, but these kinds of things can make a world of difference when you’re traveling,” she says.
If you’re heading to a holiday party, Knight suggests calling in advance of your arrival for accommodations such as: help getting your loved one out of the car, space in the fridge for medications or meals you’re bringing that meet your loved one’s dietary needs, and predetermining a comfortable space for your loved one. Knight says you can even ask the host for a quiet space.
“This is especially helpful if the person has dementia,” she says. “Sometimes, being around a lot of people, voices and noise can be overwhelming, but if there’s a quiet room they can go to rest or have people visit with them, it can make it a little bit less confusing for them.”
Offering a place to rest, nap and have peaceful visits, Knight says, can facilitate a more pleasant experience for the caregiver, too.
“Typically, what could happen when the person becomes overwhelmed is that the caregiver would have to go home and leave the party or family gathering as well,” she says. “This way, it allows the caregiver to stay and be socially engaged, have a good time and still care for their loved one, creating a win-win on both sides.”
Tip 5: Don’t neglect yourself.
Caregivers must take care of their own needs and plan some down time, too.
“When we think of self-care, we often think of big things,” Knight says. “We think of spa days or taking a vacation, and while those things can definitely offer relaxation, self-care can also be small things. Take time for yourself to read a book or watch a Christmas movie or meet up with a friend. Carve out some time to rest, rejuvenate and do something you like during the holiday season.”
One of the toughest challenges for caregivers is isolation. Caregiving responsibilities can limit the amount of free time left to socialize and engage with others.
Additionally, the sentimentality of the holiday season can bring up a lot of emotions, including complicated feelings about a caregiver’s relationship with the older adult in their life. That loneliness coupled with overwhelming feelings can be hard to cope with alone. The Senior Source offers a support group for people in various caregiving roles traveling the same path.
The Senior Source can also connect caregivers with therapists for individual counseling, including providing referrals for low-cost or sliding-scale counseling. Knights says that mental health is especially important for caregivers. “It’s vital in order for that caregiver to continue doing what they’re doing.”
If you have a caregiver in your life and you’re looking for the perfect gift, she says time likely tops their wish list. Consider volunteering to sit with the older adult and offer the caregiver a little time off. If you can’t volunteer hours, think about doing some meal prep, starting a meal train, hiring a cleaning service or coming over to clean. These are all great ways to give a caregiver some much-needed respite.
For more ideas and resources, visit TheSeniorSource.org, email CSP@TheSeniorSource.org or call (214) 823-5700.