Talk of politics has long been avoided at dinner tables, first dates and office lounges. For good reason – it’s a topic that can be contentious, divisive and frustrating.
Eighty-seven percent of Americans feel political polarization is a threat to the country, according to a AP-NORC Center study. A 2023 Pew Research study found that 65% of Americans reported feeling exhausted when thinking about politics; 55% feel angry. Just 10% feel hopeful.
Election season can get noisy. That’s why The Dallas Morning News turned down the volume and gave readers a mic. Over the past weeks, readers shared with TDMN what they wish people in other political parties understood about their beliefs and why.
We heard back from longtime Republicans and Democrats as well as independents and undecided voters who completed our questionnaire. See their responses in the slideshow below, and read more below from experts who specialize in navigating contentious conversations:
Finding Refuge
Sixth-generation Texan Justin Galloway was raised a Democrat, thanks to heavy influence from his grandmother. As a gay man, he said he found refuge in the Democratic party through the ‘90s.
“At the time, I was illegal [as a gay man] and I could easily be targeted for all kinds of reasons,” Galloway, 47, said. “So, of course, I went to the side that I felt supported me.”
He became active in the party.
In 2021, Galloway made a change. After years of experiencing division over sexual and gender identity politics in the LGBTQ and Democrat communities, he switched parties. The decision was not an easy one. At times, Galloway said he feels like a “traitor” to his own interest, but the Democratic party “has gone to a place [he] would never go.”
Galloway advocated for marriage equality for decades. But now, he said the far left is promoting trans rights, from bathroom access to sports equality to hormones in youth, and Galloway is no longer in support.
“The far left is taking these things to the extreme,” Galloway said. “Us gays have come a long way to get to where we are and to be in the mainstream, and now we’re seeing some of that eroded because of some very far left ideology.”
“The thing is there’s a staunch difference between homosexuality and gender identity,” Galloway said. “They’re not intertwined at all.”
Rights for all
Mel Horadam, who uses they/them pronouns, has lived in D-FW for their whole life, starting in Sunnyvale and currently residing in Allen. They were raised a proud Republican and said they recalled complaining that George W. Bush was not conservative enough to classmates in middle school.
Throughout their schooling, Horadam, 34, said they were often surrounded by conservative peers, even more so during college. During these years, they said they felt an expectation to act Republican, but knew it wasn’t for them.
“I was mostly unengaged and didn’t vote in college, but I did tell my parents I voted for Romney in 2012 to keep the peace,” Horadam said.
After college, they moved abroad and began to meet individuals that exposed them to life “outside of the American bubble” – individuals who were facing immigration policy and student debt first-hand.
For Horadam, this was a turning point. These new peers taught Horadam the importance of empathy in politics, and since then, they have considered themself politically engaged as a far-left Democrat.
“[As a Republican], I used to be very focused on individuals and what a single individual did or said, but I am far more interested in systems now,” Horadam said. “I want to be kind to people, but skeptical of the systems that pit us against each other. There is a reason we are kept divided. We would be able to create radical change in this country if we realized we aren’t all that different from each other.”
Fueled by love
Joel Ross loves his country. Not as much as he loves his state, he joked, but regardless the Abilene resident and born-and-raised Texan is proud of his roots.
It’s why he feels the need to make America better.
“Like about a third of the country, I sit at about the middle,” Ross said. “I lean a little bit Democratic for social issues, but then Republican for fiscal issues and security stuff.”
Ross was raised in a conservative family, but “not in the cool way.” Growing up, his house was very divisive and hateful toward minority groups, he said. At age 15, Ross left his home, which he called “unsafe” and “abusive.”
He spent time living on the streets, where he said he experienced the “devastating hardship” of not knowing where he would sleep or eat next. After a few months, Ross secured housing, but this phase in his life instilled a strong sense of empathy that comes into play regarding his position on immigration policies.
“I like strong borders, but I also understand just wanting a better life,” he said. “It’s rough where they’re at, and so I can empathize with that.”
At age 20, Ross enlisted in the military and went on to serve for seven years, acting as a paralegal for the last three after getting injured overseas. The experience exposed him to people, cultures and mindsets that he previously would not have acknowledged, he said.
His biggest takeaway from his time in active duty? Money matters.
After finishing out his contract with the military, Ross got a job with the prison system — another experience that shaped his political beliefs.
“The AC systems don’t exist in prisons and it is rough,” Ross said. “People die because it’s so hot. And still, people choosing for our representatives to put this money elsewhere and disregard just the basic humanity, which bothers me a lot.”
Ross identifies as a Centrist, and said he frequently battles misunderstandings about his political beliefs.
“We aren’t represented because of the way that our system is set up...” he said. “I can’t identify with either [side] fully because I love fiscal security and border security. I’m about that life. But I’m not about taking rights away from people just because they’re different than me.”
Addressing conflict
When it comes to political conversations, there are a few common responses: avoidance, combativeness and anxiety.
A 2022 Reuters Institute Digital News Report found that news avoidance occurs across the political spectrum. Americans on the right are more likely to avoid news because they perceive it as being untrustworthy, whereas those on the left are more likely to feel overwhelmed, carry feelings of powerlessness, or worry that the news might create arguments.
Southern Methodist University Professor and Chair of Religious Studies Jill DeTemple believes there is a way to approach these discussions. In her classroom, she teaches students to use Reflective Structured Dialogue.
“I’m not in the business of agreement, but it’s supporting them in their ability to disagree better,” DeTemple said.
Reflective Structured Dialogue uses a five-step approach to navigate contentious conversations, a tool that can be particularly useful when discussing politics. The conversation strategy encourages individuals to listen differently and ask deeper questions to truly understand their counterpart.
“Most of us are actually not all the way at the ends of the polarized spectrum,” DeTemple said.
She recommends asking questions like, “Tell me a story that would help me understand how you came to hold that belief.”
This brings humanity back into the conversation and helps both parties find middle ground, she said. Although they may not agree with each other’s position, they can begin to understand why they came to it and discover commonalities underneath.
This question also helps both parties understand each other’s life experiences. That’s something that’s often overlooked in political conversations, said Joy Mayer, executive director and founder of Trusting News.
All opinions deserve to be heard, but it is important to recognize topics like immigration or gender policies are a core part of somebody’s identity but are theoretical to other people, and to appropriately acknowledge the weight of each, she said.
“At a time where talking about controversial things is so difficult, we all would do well to remember that we don’t know everything, and we can’t see everything, and that we have things to learn from whoever we’re talking to,” Mayer said.
Mayer uses the looping strategy – a simple tactic that requires repeating back the idea or phrase that was used until the speaker confirms that understanding has been reached.
Both of these approaches focus on intentional listening and making both speakers feel seen.
“For people to be exposed to new ideas or change their minds, they have to be open, and you can’t be open if you don’t feel heard and respected,” Mayer said.
This story is part of “Back to the Ballot” an effort to educate voters on the election process and explore the causes of voter apathy and potential solutions. Learn more at dallasnews.com/ballot.