Advertisement
This is member-exclusive content
icon/ui/info filled

sportsCowboys

Dear Jerry: There’s no time to waste, make Bill Belichick the next Cowboys coach

Whether it’s all his fault or not, the Mike McCarthy era is not working out.

Dear Jerry:

Hope this finds you well, or at least as well as could be expected. My condolences on your season. And still seven games to go! Talk about a slow death. This will really get ripe before it’s over, which is why I’m writing now. Because you need to start planning ahead. And I don’t mean another catfight or a monster jam or Post Malone’s BIG ASS Stadium Tour next spring. Quit thinking with your wallet for a minute.

Look, I don’t think I need to tell you that this Mike McCarthy thing isn’t working out. You’re no closer to another Super Bowl than Chan Gailey got you. Not saying it’s all Mike’s fault. He’s had buzzard’s luck with injuries. You didn’t do him any favors this last offseason, either.

But the Great Unwashed, as Blackie used to call them, haven’t been this close to mutiny since you sacrificed Dave Campo’s career. Somebody’s gotta pay, and you and I both know it won’t be the GM.

Cowboys

Be the smartest Cowboys fan. Get the latest news.

Or with:

Anyway, those three 12-win seasons were nice, but selling that is like pulling up at the gates of Disney World and telling the kids you hoped they enjoyed the ride before turning back for home.

Besides, for all we know, Mike might consider it a blessing. I would. Between you pontificating after games and on the radio and Micah Parsons’ podcast and CeeDee Lamb’s pouts, not to mention trying to call plays based not so much on the defense but the Earth’s orbit while dodging shrapnel raining from the roof, it’s a lot.

Advertisement

By now I’m pretty sure Tom Landry is glad he didn’t work for you after all.

Speaking of which, we’re all on board that the first choice should be another Hall of Famer. Bill Belichick officially has my blessing. If he wants it. Word is he might prefer Jacksonville, where the franchise quarterback isn’t only younger, he’s cheaper, and the owner doesn’t come with a calliope.

Troy Aikman told “The Musers” on Sportsradio 96.7 FM/1310 The Ticket (KTCK-AM) Thursday that, even though he’s a fan of Mike’s, if he’s gotta go, Belichick is the guy. He can’t believe he’s still available. Maybe people were scared off by his age. Or his resting face. But he’s just 72, right? You’ve got bunions older than that.

Advertisement

By the way: Standing next to all your teammates from the ‘64 championship team last week in Fayetteville, you looked like Matthew McConaughey in comparison. Makes me wonder if you made a deal with the devil. Assuming you’re still on speaking terms.

I’m not as worried as some people whether you and Belichick could make it work. He wants that all-time wins record, and you want to prove you could win a Lombardi that doesn’t have Jimmy’s fingerprints all over it. Mike won one, which is why I liked the hire in the first place. Belichick has eight. Of course, both guys won all those trophies with two of the greatest quarterbacks ever. You’d be giving Bill a $60 million quarterback who’s never gone beyond two playoff rounds coming off another injury. Guess we’d find out just how good of a coach he really is.

Frankly, I’d be happy if he could just keep your offensive line from jumping and your defense from lining up offsides.

Would have loved to see the look on Bill’s face if John Fassel had suggested a fake punt from his side of the field.

That’s another thing: Bones didn’t even call the fake punt against Houston. Juanyeh Thomas did. Juanyeh Thomas? You’re kidding me, right? Pretty sure he wouldn’t have had the nerve if Belichick held his future in his hands.

If anyone tries to tell you there’s no way you and Belichick could coexist, tell them you got along with Bill Parcells. Wasn’t easy, I know. He demanded a say in buying the groceries. Belichick is on record that he wouldn’t have a problem letting someone else call the personnel shots.

Just in case, though, make sure you tell him that Will McClay runs the war room, and you’re just there to keep the plates spinning.

Whatever you do, just get going. No time to waste. Mike can stay the rest of the year, but you can’t let Jacksonville get a head start in the dating process. Sure, I like Mike Vrabel, a chip off Belichick’s block. Ben Johnson, Detroit’s offensive coordinator, is also at the top of my list.

Advertisement

But it seems to me that Belichick is the guy who could rid your team of all the silly mistakes that drive fans crazy. His teams didn’t make mistakes. Reminds me of an interview with the great Gordon Wood, king of Texas high school football coaches. Told me if they ran a play in practice and someone made a mistake, they ran it again. They kept running it until no one made a mistake.

Of course, you can’t do that sort of thing with NFL players, and these Cowboys in particular. You’d be out there all night.

Anyway, thanks for listening. Don’t worry about getting back. Same ol’, same ol’ here. Fans beating on me for not waging a one-man war on you. I tell them it’s like me railing at the squirrels for eating the bark off my Japanese maples and making a mess of my pecans and Halloween decorations. No matter how mad I get, they keep right on chewin’. Besides, I owe you one. You’ve kept me in punchlines forever.

Your pal,

Advertisement

Kev

Related Stories
View More

Find more Cowboys coverage from The Dallas Morning News here.