Margertree Holmes didn’t plan on sharing a house with her two adult daughters, but when the opportunity arose, it just made sense. At a crossroads in life after the unexpected end of her 30-year marriage, Holmes was looking for a new place to live when she found a home in South Dallas just minutes from St. Philip’s School and Community Center, where the 54-year-old serves as chief community advancement officer. Holmes’ daughters, ages 37 and 27, tagged along to check out the newly constructed four-bedroom rental to support their mom’s fresh start. They all liked what they saw.
The more the women talked, the keener they became on the idea of merging resources and three separate households into one. Now, two years in, the trio and Holmes’ 4-year-old granddaughter remain under the same roof by choice. Along the way, they’ve found their footing and strengthened their roots — together.
“I think what has made us successful is upfront honesty on everybody’s part; everybody is able to have a voice and then to respect the other voices that are there,” says Holmes. “We had no idea what all was going to come out of us being in the same space, but what I can tell you is that we’ve changed for the better.”
No matter how it looks — young adults moving back home to save money; an aging parent in need of care residing with their adult children; grandparents, adult children and grandchildren sharing space; or many other family shapes and sizes — multigenerational living is on the rise.
At last count, more than one in four Americans — or 66.7 million adults — live in a multigenerational household (defined as more than three generations living together under one roof). That’s a 200% increase from a decade earlier, according to a 2021 study by Generations United, a nonprofit dedicated to promoting policies and programs that connect generations.
Fueled by the pandemic, the multigenerational living movement remains strong, spurred on by inflation, high housing costs, and the lack of affordable and high-quality child and elder care.
“Our country was founded on multigenerational families, people living together to survive, [care for] each other and share resources, and then we grew apart after World War II,” says Donna Butts, executive director of Generations United. “And now we’re coming back together again. While it’s pushing against what’s become societal norms, the families say it’s not without struggles, but it works and helps them, and they are going to stay together.”
And there are a host of heartfelt and practical reasons why. Among the benefits, research finds multigenerational living improves finances, enhances family bonds, makes caregiving easier, boosts mental and physical health, and can pave the way to further a family member’s school or career goals.
While multigenerational living is more commonplace in foreign countries, it shows no signs of slowing down in the U.S., with economic and cultural factors driving the trend. Butts believes it’s a strength-based model that should be appreciated and valued, particularly when it includes our oldest and youngest family members.
“It’s so important for a young person to be connected to their roots, to have that sense of history and who they are, where they came from. And it supports an older adult’s need to pass on knowledge, tradition, their learning,” Butts says. “It makes us a stronger society, [with] stronger families, stronger communities.”
Forging connections
Mimi Crume Sterling credits the constant household presence of her “spirited” 79-year-old mother over the past 10 years for helping balance family life and her high-profile roles within Neiman Marcus Group and later as CEO of The Family Place.
Known fondly as Grammy to her grandchildren, ages 4, 11 and 12, Michele Crume drove to Dallas from her Indiana home in 2014 to help her daughter and son-in-law settle in after they relocated from New York. She stayed when Sterling struggled to find the right child care fit, ensuring family dinner was on the table and serving as an invested source of love that crossed generations.
“We ended up finding a home in Hollywood Heights with an apartment above the garage and we invited her to stay,” Sterling says. “She was able to give us a real sense of security and stability for the kids, and that was priceless for us.”
These days, the Sterling family resides in a 100-year-old, two-story home in East Dallas, where Crume lives on the first floor. Sterling is now a communications consultant, stepping back from her CEO role in 2023 to spend more quality time with family. The dynamics of care have also shifted along the way. When Sterling’s mother recently suffered a mild stroke, her daughter was there to recognize the symptoms and seek medical treatment immediately. “I couldn’t imagine if she had had a stroke in Indiana, living alone in her apartment,” she says.
Sterling reflects on her mother’s impact on the family and the special relationship she has built with her grandchildren. “We all care for each other in different ways. And I would say that the value amongst us is very reciprocal,” Sterling says. “I think it also teaches all of us that aging is a part of life and that we all need to be patient with each other.”
Like any relationship, coexisting in such a way can forge deep connections, but it’s not without challenges. Generational gaps, differences in lifestyle and a lack of privacy can test even the closest families. But there are ways to make sharing the same roof work.
Communicating openly is essential to intergenerational harmony, says couples and marriage therapist Edita Ruzgyte, Ph.D., assistant director of the Center for Family Counseling at Southern Methodist University. “There needs to be a conversation about boundaries and expectations,” Ruzgyte says. “What will be our infrastructure? Who will take out the trash? Do we divide the refrigerator in half? Who is responsible for cooking, or do we cook separately?”
It’s also vital to be mindful of each other’s time and space, especially when separate living areas are hard to come by. “What are your needs, and what are you willing to give up? It’s that give-and-take balance,” says Ruzgyte, who increasingly counsels multigenerational families and has personal experience growing up in a multicultural and multigenerational apartment in Russia.
Setting boundaries
Holmes took a thoughtful approach to multigenerational living from the start. “It’s been wonderful, because we set some boundaries before we moved in,” she says. “There were things we were clear about when it came to having company, responsibility as far as bills are concerned and responsibilities for taking care of the house itself. And ... just respecting each other.”
As a household, Holmes and her daughters periodically revisit the house rules, most recently tweaking mealtime, where each adult family member is in charge of cooking or buying dinner one day a week. Holmes says anyone with questions, concerns or anything else to share can call a family meeting, including her 30-year-old son, who also lives in Dallas.
For Holmes, multigenerational living has created a powerful support system and the opportunity for her granddaughter and daughters — raised 11 years apart — to experience the best version of mom and “Mimi” as they all look to the future.
“All of our savings are completely different. My younger daughter’s going back to school, working on her master’s, and my older daughter has started a virtual assistant business,” Holmes says. “I don’t think they’d be able to do any of those things financially if we were not in the same space. But it’s really just our support for each other, holding each other accountable and cheering each other on.”
And in the end, that’s what family’s all about, whether under the same roof or not.